Why Self-Love Isn’t Easy After Trauma (And Why That’s Okay)
“Love yourself” has become an anthem in the world of holistic healing. With influencers spreading this message across social media, it can feel trite, even unattainable. How many times have you heard someone say, “You can’t love anyone until you love yourself?” For many, this statement feels isolating rather than empowering. Before embarking on my healing journey, I questioned whether self-love was something I could ever achieve. Today, I know that growing from self-hatred to self-love is not only possible but life-changing. It takes time, practice, and patience—but it’s a journey worth taking.
The Illusion of Effortless Self-Love
The concept of self-love often seems simple, as though it should come effortlessly. Beware the word “should.” If you’re telling yourself you “should” feel or act a certain way, guilt and shame often lurk beneath the surface. Genuine self-love is a cultivated practice. Few people receive the nurturing required to develop it naturally; most of us must work through years of patterned self-rejection to reclaim our innate goodness. The good news? Your inner light never left you—it’s waiting to be rediscovered.
The Heart Chakra: The Center of Love
Central to cultivating self-love is connecting with the heart chakra, or Anahata. Located at the center of the chest, this energy center governs love, compassion, and emotional balance. When the heart chakra is open and balanced, we feel deep connection—not only with others but also with ourselves. Practices like somatic yoga, meditation, and mindful breathing can help awaken and heal the heart chakra, dissolving barriers that block self-love. As this energy center expands, we align with our true nature: love, joy, and wholeness.
Why Self-Love Feels So Hard
Many struggle to love themselves because self-rejection is deeply ingrained. Your ego, designed to protect you, often creates stories of unworthiness to make sense of past pain. These patterns, though once adaptive, no longer serve you. They obscure your true self, perpetuating cycles of shame, fear, and disconnection. The ego resists change, interpreting any shift as a threat. Breaking free requires persistence, courage, and tools that empower you to meet these patterns with compassion.
Somatic Yoga as a Path to Healing
Healing from trauma is not about erasing the past but about gently reclaiming yourself, moment by moment. Trauma lives in the body, shaping the way we move, breathe, and feel, often long after the events that caused it have passed. Somatic yoga offers a compassionate path home, guiding you to reconnect with your body in a way that feels safe and nourishing. Through gentle movement, breath awareness, and mindful presence, you learn to soften the grip of stored tension and meet your body’s wisdom with tenderness. This practice does not force or fix—it listens, allowing what has been held in silence to be acknowledged and released. With patience, the nervous system finds balance, the heart begins to trust again, and a sense of wholeness emerges. My six-week online program, Somatic Yoga Evolution, offers a supportive space for this journey, providing tools to help you heal in a way that honors your pace and experience.
Steps Toward Self-Love
Cultivating self-love is a lifelong journey, not a linear process. In my experience, five stepping stones help create a foundation: self-observation, equanimity, self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-love. Each step builds upon the last, and all are rooted in the yogic philosophy of cultivating maitri, or loving-kindness.
1. Self-Observation
Begin with the ability to witness yourself without judgment. Can you sit with your thoughts and emotions without becoming overwhelmed? Practices like somatic yoga and mindfulness help build this capacity, allowing you to connect with your true self. Here’s a blog about how to get started.
2. Equanimity
Equanimity, or non-judgmental awareness, enables you to see yourself as you are—without labels of “good” or “bad.” This mindset creates space for transformation and liberates you from the grip of conditioned reactions.
3. Self-Acceptance
Acceptance is not resignation. It’s a powerful acknowledgment of your worth as you are, imperfections and all. Only by accepting yourself fully can you create a foundation for meaningful growth.
4. Self-Compassion
Compassion is the healing balm that allows you to “feel with” your own suffering. When you turn compassion inward, you validate your experiences and affirm your inherent value as a precious, spiritual being. Here’s an intriguing article by researcher Dr. Kristin Neff about self compassion.
5. Self-Love
True self-love is the culmination of these practices. It is not conceit or selfishness; it’s a deep acknowledgment of your divinity and worthiness. As you embrace self-love, you align with your highest self and radiate love into the world.
Start Your Journey Today
If the idea of self-love feels overwhelming, know that you’re not alone. My Somatic Yoga Evolution program is here to support you every step of the way. By joining, you’ll access tools to gently shift patterns of self-rejection, open your heart chakra, and reconnect with your true self.
Imagine a life where you feel at home in your own skin, guided by love and compassion. That transformation is possible, and it begins with one step. Join the waitlist for Somatic Yoga Evolution and start your journey to self-love today.
Update…
Feb 10, 2025
I’ll tell you something more about my journey to self-love…even after all these years I still have moments of remembering my past mistakes. Sometimes I’ll wake up in the night fretting over something I did years ago!!! Obviously, this helps no one. In difficult moments like these, I take a few deep breaths and I say this prayer…
I forgive myself for not being perfect.
Even though I’ve made mistakes,
I’m still a good person.
I care a lot about other people.
And every day I do the very best I can.
I want you to know that I’m right next to you on this path. ♥️
Coming in 2025…
My online class, Somatic Yoga Evolution, will be available in 2025. I’ve been pouring my love into this class for a long time, and I’m so happy I will soon be able to share it with you. In Somatic Yoga Evolution you will:
Learn how your nervous system works, and why your reactions are not your fault!
Finally feel comfortable being present in your own body.
Connect with others on the same journey.
Use multiple techniques to regulate your nervous system.
Release stored emotions.
Customize your somatic yoga practice to fit your needs.
Free access to the course for one year.
